Balance

Leka has been lying a lot lately. About weird and random things. He's been really destructive and also breaking things at Grandma and Grandpas house. It's driving me crazy. I honestly and truly believe if you start lying at an early age it can lead to bigger problems when you become an adult if nothing is done to rectify it. I want to nip it in the bud immediately! Jr. and I have talked to him Grandpa Maile had a big talk with him, we've put him in time out, we've spanked him, taken favorite toys away and it's still happening. I keeping asking myself....why he feels the need to lie or be dishonest. I heard him tell Ray the other day that he went to a chicken farm and got to hold a pig which he's never done. So I wonder.... is it just his wishes of what he could do or wants to do and he verbalizes it?But he also lied about breaking things and blaming it on imaginary people.

Again, why does he feel the need to lie? Since Ray and Leka were born I've always worked full time. My current schedule at work is 9:30-5:30, then I come home and make some half-A dinner (pardon my French but if you had to eat this so-called dinner you'd call it that too), do a load or 2 of laundry which is altogether tiring because our washer isn't working properly, help Ray with homework, shower the boys, then put them to bed. Then our weekends are absolutely nuts. From birthdays to baptisms, blessings, shows, etc.

When have I made time to teach my boys important lessons that I know they need? Lessons that only I their mother could teach them? I remember from General Conference and a million other times that mothers are to nurture and guide their children. When do I do that? We are horrible at reading scriptures and holding Family night consistently and saying family prayer. Where are my priorities? I swear whenever I feel things are going well at work things are falling apart elsewhere. And vice versa. Where is my balance???

The truth is, I have no balance in my personal life. I know Leka and Ray are crying out and begging me for MY attention. They want Mom to be home when they get home from school. I know that for a fact because when I was growing up my Mom also worked full time and didn't get home till well after dinner. On her days off I remember coming home from school and just feeling the warmth of her spirit there. I would live for her days off when I was a kid. Just knowing she was home gave me so much peace. I want so much right now to be home with my boys. I know that it might not stop Leka from lying but at least I'll be there for him to guide him....to nurture him. I'm in tears writing this because I've always wanted to work. I feel comfortable in the work place and often get crazy bored and mean when I'm home to long ask Jr. he'll tell you.

At work when I am assigned projects I always have an end in mind and the goal that I want to accomplish. You'd think I'd do that with my family. What is the goal I want to accomplish? I want an eternal family. I dont want my kids to go down the wrong path because they needed me and I wasnt there for them. I need to have a happy medium. I need balance people! Not sure how it's going to happen but let me tell you, I am counting the days down until Jr. is done with school and gets a good job. But I'm also so scared that I wont be a good stay at home Mom and they'd wish I'd go back to work. Until that day comes I need to prioritize my time and always, always put my family and their needs first. Which I feel I do with their temporal needs, I feel those needs are being met but not with their spiritual needs. Again I didnt really have an end in mind when starting this post but I know it's something I wanted to get down on paper. Well wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

Happy Birthday, my hero

I know...... cheesy title but very much the truth. Even before the current trials she's facing I've always loved and looked up to Abby. Her and Naki's parenting is something that could be written in books to help others. They dont make idle threats (which I'm infamous for), they are patient and always loving with their children. She definitely leads by example and I learn so much from her. She is also very humble so Im sure she'll disagree with mostly everything I write but my heart knows the truth. I remember when I first met her, Jr. and I had been dating for just a couple of weeks. She made me feel so welcome and peaceful. She asked about my life and made me feel like she really wanted to get to know me, even though I'm sure she wasn't sure Jr. and I would turn into more then just friends. Right after I had Leka I had a bad spout with depression and she is the first person I went to. She has always been a great listener and friend.

There are so many more things I could rattle off. She is amazing. With Abby she really is who she says she is. She is real to the core. That is huge with me because I always struggle with feelings of wanting to be different then who I am or fitting in where ever I go. With all the hardships that she is facing with losing her Naki she has been the source of strength for Jr. and I at this hard time. Can you believe that? In this dark time she is constantly lifting others especially the Maile family. Her testimony of Christ strengthens mines by leaps and bounds. Abby I love you so much. Thank you for all that you do for our family. I really dont know what path we'd be on right now, if it weren't for you. I wish for you a Happy Birthday today, you deserve that more then anyone.

Fundraiser

Our Fireside group, that is made up of us, Abby & the girls, The Fano's, The Aulava's, and JB Schofield are currently raising funds to go to Florida. Years ago before we joined the group some of the members went to Florida and put on great Firesides. We are trying to do that this year. Jr. and Naki suggested it last year and has been a goal for the group this year. Of course they are a little biased being born and raised there and all. We hope to raise enough money to go in September sometime and put on 3 or so firesides. Our first fundraiser is going to be a BBQ lunch plate sale on 3/19. Please email me mythias81@comcast.net if you are interested or call me. I promise the food is going to be awesome and you'll be helping us out. Also pass this on to any family or friends that might be interested. Thanks!

Dreadlock Rasta

Jr. and I agree on most things but there is 1 thing that we dont agree on and it's hair. I want our boys hair to always look neat and short and he wants long hair, or a fo-hawk (sp), or a rugby mullet, steps, etc. Ughhh, it drives me up the wall and whenever we argue I threaten to cut whose ever hair he's made his "project". Leka is his current project. He's always wanted dreads. He had them for a little while when we first got married but cut them before we went through the Temple. He's now taking it out on Leka.

This is my new Leka. I do have to say that when I'm around people that like them I to like them (a little). But at church when I see everyone staring at him I hate them. I've been so tempted to put gum in his hair while he sleeps then we'd be forced to cut them. Crazy right? I think Abby talked me out of doing that one. Even though I cant stand it, there is one thing above my hatred for wild hair and that is Jr. being upset or disappointed in me. That one thing alone keeps me from acting out all my crazy thoughts of how I can get the boys hair looking neat. So now I have to live with my little Buffalo solider..... dreadlocks Rasta. He's still so dang cute though.

Soul Food

We've been lucky enough to have Jr.s cousins from Florida staying with us this week. Ray and Misi are Jr.s first cousins. Their Mom and Jr.s Dad are brother and sister. And as they've been here making all of us laugh and playing with the kids, I kept wishing they lived closer.....like in our house. The girls that snatch these boys up are going to be lucky girls. Since Naki died this is the first time I've seen Jr. be his old self, laughing and constantly joking around. I loved every second of it. For this week at least, they have definitely been food for the soul. Love these boys!!!

Infinite-Power-of-Hope

Infinite-Power-of-Hope

This messages literally brought me to tears. Click above to watch.

Update

I've been feeling so BLAH that it's been torture to even think about blogging but I know I should. Things have been busy in our home. I turned 29 a couple of days ago and I have to admit that I dont mind getting older. My outlook on aging has really changed. The one thing I do mind is aging and not being in good shape. I am desperately trying to stay motivated and do workouts that work for me. In the past I've always tried what's worked for someone else but I'm so over that. I want to do what works for me. I haven't figured it out yet, but I know I am getting closer.

Ray and Leka loved every second of the Holidays and cried when we took the Christmas decorations down. They are back in school and for the most part are really happy being there. Ray is improving in areas he struggled last year. I think his teach Ms. Frost is an amazing teacher. Ray thinks the world of her and so do we. Leka had and MRI a couple days before Christmas and it was miserable. They had to give him an IV in both his arms and they had a hard time locating his veins so they had to maneuver the needle around, he was in so much pain. His cardiologist called me yesterday at work and gave me the results. It was completely normal. He still has a congenital abnormality. His recommendation is to monitor him closely for the next year and make a decision about surgery from there. There is a small risk in not having surgery but there are also risks in having it so we're fasting and praying to know what Heavenly Father would have us do right now. But Leka is such a happy boy and loves preschool especially because he gets to go with one of his cousins.

Jr. is back at school and surprisingly doing really well. I say surprised because I know how much suffering he's going through. He is always trying to be strong, but listening to him cry in the shower because he thinks I cant hear him, cuts me so deep it's hard to recover. It's so hard to explain but I know that things will never be same in our lives. I've been reading my sisters blog and know it's the same in their home times a million. Uggghh our new life is so hard.

Jr. and I had to renew our Temple recommends with a member of our Bishopric last night and he said that people that have to endure these kind of trials are a truly special people. I truly believe that of my sister Abby, my husband and our family. They are so special to me that it physically hurts when I am not with them. I thank Heavenly Father for them everyday.