Balance

Leka has been lying a lot lately. About weird and random things. He's been really destructive and also breaking things at Grandma and Grandpas house. It's driving me crazy. I honestly and truly believe if you start lying at an early age it can lead to bigger problems when you become an adult if nothing is done to rectify it. I want to nip it in the bud immediately! Jr. and I have talked to him Grandpa Maile had a big talk with him, we've put him in time out, we've spanked him, taken favorite toys away and it's still happening. I keeping asking myself....why he feels the need to lie or be dishonest. I heard him tell Ray the other day that he went to a chicken farm and got to hold a pig which he's never done. So I wonder.... is it just his wishes of what he could do or wants to do and he verbalizes it?But he also lied about breaking things and blaming it on imaginary people.

Again, why does he feel the need to lie? Since Ray and Leka were born I've always worked full time. My current schedule at work is 9:30-5:30, then I come home and make some half-A dinner (pardon my French but if you had to eat this so-called dinner you'd call it that too), do a load or 2 of laundry which is altogether tiring because our washer isn't working properly, help Ray with homework, shower the boys, then put them to bed. Then our weekends are absolutely nuts. From birthdays to baptisms, blessings, shows, etc.

When have I made time to teach my boys important lessons that I know they need? Lessons that only I their mother could teach them? I remember from General Conference and a million other times that mothers are to nurture and guide their children. When do I do that? We are horrible at reading scriptures and holding Family night consistently and saying family prayer. Where are my priorities? I swear whenever I feel things are going well at work things are falling apart elsewhere. And vice versa. Where is my balance???

The truth is, I have no balance in my personal life. I know Leka and Ray are crying out and begging me for MY attention. They want Mom to be home when they get home from school. I know that for a fact because when I was growing up my Mom also worked full time and didn't get home till well after dinner. On her days off I remember coming home from school and just feeling the warmth of her spirit there. I would live for her days off when I was a kid. Just knowing she was home gave me so much peace. I want so much right now to be home with my boys. I know that it might not stop Leka from lying but at least I'll be there for him to guide him....to nurture him. I'm in tears writing this because I've always wanted to work. I feel comfortable in the work place and often get crazy bored and mean when I'm home to long ask Jr. he'll tell you.

At work when I am assigned projects I always have an end in mind and the goal that I want to accomplish. You'd think I'd do that with my family. What is the goal I want to accomplish? I want an eternal family. I dont want my kids to go down the wrong path because they needed me and I wasnt there for them. I need to have a happy medium. I need balance people! Not sure how it's going to happen but let me tell you, I am counting the days down until Jr. is done with school and gets a good job. But I'm also so scared that I wont be a good stay at home Mom and they'd wish I'd go back to work. Until that day comes I need to prioritize my time and always, always put my family and their needs first. Which I feel I do with their temporal needs, I feel those needs are being met but not with their spiritual needs. Again I didnt really have an end in mind when starting this post but I know it's something I wanted to get down on paper. Well wish me luck. I'm going to need it.