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Wordless Wednesday

Intervention?

I have been in a weird rut lately. I have no motivation to do anything that could help me feel better. I've actually felt a little rebellious. Whatever I should be doing... my first thought is to do the opposite. I'm like a silly teenager again! Ugh, I know exactly what I need to do to feel better but I'm running away from it.

Whenever I feel like people are rude, take advantage or treat Jr. or anyone I love for that matter badly it's really hard to forgive that person or not to hold a grudge. That's definitely a huge weakness of mine. But admitting that I'm mad at this certain person makes me feel so much guilt. The guilt of being a working mom and falling short in a million other areas plus this added guilt is currently a little hard to bare.

I know very well that the battles that go on are for those I love to battle through on their own and in their own ways, but again its so hard for me to sit back and do nothing. I need an intervention......

8 year anniversary

Today (November 7th) is mine and Jr's 8 year anniversary. Not that 8 years isnt huge but I didnt see anything more special about this one than the past 7 anniversaries. Boy was I wrong! For several months Jr has been secretly planning something really special to give me. I have to give a little background of why I'm so excited. When Jr. and I were married 8 years ago RayRay was 3 months old. We had been dating for a little over a year and werent making the best choices obviously because we had a baby before we were married. So we took a little time to decide on getting married. When we did decide it moved very, very quickly. We could only afford to get wedding bands for eachother.

I'd be lying to myself if I didnt admit that getting a diamond engagement ring hasnt always been a wish of mine. I mean what girl doesnt dream of that. But I understood our circumstances and totally love my wedding band that has Maile engraved on the top of it. Throughout the last couple of years Jr and I have talked about getting me a diamond ring maybe a handful of times and it's usually a pretty quick conversation where I tell him I'm super simple and would want a small band because I would still want to wear my wedding band. These little talks of ours are usually forgotten immediately because I know that we have never been able to afford the type of ring I wanted.....meaning a real diamond lol. Not that I'm too good in anyway but I have never been one to wear a fake diamond on my hand and pass it off as real. Its just not me.

This past Wednesday Jr. text me at work and said he needed to see me ASAP and it's very important. I hate those types of text and I have no patience so I pressed him to tell me what was happening and let him know I was getting worried. He replied saying he had to tell me in person. I had a meeting so I couldnt meet him till afterwards and just let me tell you that meeting drrrraaaaaggggggggggg'd on and on. I was so anxious because I thought something was wrong.

Towards the end of it I received a text from Jr that was meant for our cousin Ray. It said "cuzzo, do you mind if I borrow one of your boxes to wrap Mona's present in". hahaha what a dork he sent it to me by accident. It made me feel better to know that nothing was wrong. The last 2 years Jr bought me Uggs as a gift, so I thought its either more boots, perfume or a watch. He's kind of predictible with gifts.

He picked me up and was so upset with himself for letting the cat out of the bag himself that he had a gift for me. He took me to lunch and I chose to go to Quizno's. Before we get there he gives me a bag with a box that holds another box, which holds a ring box, still the thought never crossed my mind about a ring, seriously the thought never crossed my mind. I thought it was earrings but it had this in it!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my very own bling! It's a gorgeous ring. Jr picked it out all on his own. He said he went through so many and was getting a little discouraged when the jewler showed him a pair of diamond earrings. He loved them so much and it was the size, cut, and clarity he'd been looking for that the jewler said he could just mount it onto a band and sell it to him. He also got me the thin band so it would flow nicely with my wedding band.

When I opened it I just kept saying...are you serious? Jr had to yell "it's real babe" then I totally bawled like a baby. I text all my sisters and friends and showed everyone at work even all my male coworkers and I've been floating on cloud 9 ever since. What a sweet sweet man I'm married to.

I know we have eachother for eternity and that is all I need to get through this life so I started to feel guilty, because me wanting this ring after we are married already felt a little worldly. But something deep down inside of me knew that this is a gift to who I was 8 years ago. And it kind of filled a little void I didnt know I had. I told him that this ring for me represents me knowing that I belong to him, and knowing that he wants me to belong to him. I had so many emotions but those 2 feelings were clear as day for me. Oh how I love this man of mine. He's a keeper. Happy Anniversary to me!

Ray and Leka love having another female around the house. Especially one that doesnt boss them around :). But who doesnt enjoy having sweet Ane Boo over? Our boys love and adore her and we were lucky to get her all to ourselves for a night.

I dont like to toot my own horn but....

Leka: (crying) Dad! RayRay just said I'm ugly!
Jr: You should know your not ugly Leka, because you look like me.
RayRay: I called Leka ugly because he said I'm dumb.
Jr: You should know your not dumb Ray because your smart like me.

Land of the lost

Today Jr. lost his Ipod at RayRay's volleyball game. I felt so bummed because lately it feels like we lose everything around here. Our computer crashed and I think we lost everything on our hard drive...including 4 years of pictures :( I'm going to try and find a place that can at least salvage our pictures but I will be heart broken if they arent able to retrieve them. We're going to start saving for a new computer and I'll be smarter this time and buy a back up hard drive. Good thing black friday is coming up!

Summer 2010

We had an awesome summer this year. Jr. stayed busy with special date nights with his nieces and our boys, RayRay was baptized, got in a lot of swimming time with his cousins, Uncle Ray & Uncle Misi moved in with us, Lekas talent of drawing came out, and also did plent of swimming, I was busy in Primary and with work, we took a family trip to Florida. It has been hectic but very fun and rewarding. Our computer crashed last week :( so I dont have a lot of pictures to choose from but above are some pictures of our Summer memories of 2010.

This past weekend Jr. and I were crazily immersed (sp) in a Benefit concert in honor of our brother Naki. We have been planning and preparing for this event for about 6weeks straight. We had been so busy that we didnt process.... that it has been a whole year without him. Jr. did give into that tonight and made some good tear soup. How does one really go on living when someone so dear to you passes on? Not sure but it's been a year and he's still trying to figure things out. Jr. has had many days where he cannot do anything. Depression could quickly be around any corner for him and he knows that. But he works so hard at staying true to Heavenly Fathers plan. I'm so proud of this boy. He amazes me on a daily basis. He has the purest and most genuine heart.

Along with this we have fortunately figured out some important truths. Things I know for sure, # 1. when we are serving others especially Naki's family it doesnt hurt so bad. #2. When we are attending church regularly and fulfilling our callings, again it doesnt hurt so bad. #3. when we are more concerned for others than ourselves......we found our strong, confident selves again.

I received so many kind and sweet compliments about the Concert Jr. and I organized for Naki's family this past weekend. People wrote on my facebook page, sent me heartfelt texts, called me on the phone but the truth is, serving others is really whats helping US! So it's a little selfish in a way too. I felt kinda guilty accepting thanks and praises when I know that I am the one receiving strength and blessings. But I do have to agree with so many that felt like Friday night was amazing. Everything really fell into place so beautifully, that I know for sure (this makes #4) that Heavenly Father and Naki were really mine and Jrs helping hand that night. From the weather to the music to the food to the gracious donations.We're total ameturs what do we know about organizing an event like this? uh nothing! But I should note that we've also been so blessed with this great set of family and friends who are willing to work 12 hours straight without pay..... or food for that matter. I really do adore my sisters and friends. Its hard for me to make decisions without their advice and stamp of approval on it. And not to mention we also have kids who are so flexible that being at a Amphitheater all day was -in Rays words- totally awesome :). This weekend was perfect. I felt Naki's presence so strong at the concert that I started to cry while watching people in line buy nachos!

Although Naki passing away has been tough on my little family..... especially for my Jr. I am starting to see some rainbows in the clouds. Thank you all for your continued love and support for our family and especially Naki's girls.

NAKI'S GIRLS benefit concert:

Please come!

About 4 nights ago my Leka bear out of the blue says to me "Mom'a, I miss Uncle Naki". He had tears in his eyes and climbed up on my lap so I could comfort him. I get similar remarks from RayRay. Everytime we pass BYU he tells me of the time Uncle Naki took him on a special date to BYU and how he got to meet all the BYU coaches and how Naki took him to J dawgs. He loves, loves, loves telling that story.

These boys love their Uncle and we are constantly talking and referring to things regarding him. He's never far from our hearts. He is so special to us. On Oct. 15, 2010 which is Jr.'s 29th birthday we are putting on a Benefit concert for Naki's family. Abby asked me when she found out about it why Jr. wanted to do this on his Birthday, we should be doing something for Jr..... Throwing this concert in memory of Naki is the best gift Jr. could receive for his birthday. He wants nothing more than to celebrate Naki's life and help Abby and the girls out (which he's had strong promptings that this is what he needs to be doing) on his special day. So please come and tell all your friends and family to come. It's a great cause and it's going to be a great show. It will be at the AF amphitheater (across from the Timpanogos Temple) . Starts at 7:30p.m. and it's $10.00 for adults and $5.00 for kids 12 and under.

Please post this picture on your blogs, facebook and where ever you can. We'd really appreciate it.

Big boys

I cant believe Ray is in cub scouts already. Seeing him in his uniform made me realize how quick he is growing up and Leka too. Love these cuties.

Balance

Leka has been lying a lot lately. About weird and random things. He's been really destructive and also breaking things at Grandma and Grandpas house. It's driving me crazy. I honestly and truly believe if you start lying at an early age it can lead to bigger problems when you become an adult if nothing is done to rectify it. I want to nip it in the bud immediately! Jr. and I have talked to him Grandpa Maile had a big talk with him, we've put him in time out, we've spanked him, taken favorite toys away and it's still happening. I keeping asking myself....why he feels the need to lie or be dishonest. I heard him tell Ray the other day that he went to a chicken farm and got to hold a pig which he's never done. So I wonder.... is it just his wishes of what he could do or wants to do and he verbalizes it?But he also lied about breaking things and blaming it on imaginary people.

Again, why does he feel the need to lie? Since Ray and Leka were born I've always worked full time. My current schedule at work is 9:30-5:30, then I come home and make some half-A dinner (pardon my French but if you had to eat this so-called dinner you'd call it that too), do a load or 2 of laundry which is altogether tiring because our washer isn't working properly, help Ray with homework, shower the boys, then put them to bed. Then our weekends are absolutely nuts. From birthdays to baptisms, blessings, shows, etc.

When have I made time to teach my boys important lessons that I know they need? Lessons that only I their mother could teach them? I remember from General Conference and a million other times that mothers are to nurture and guide their children. When do I do that? We are horrible at reading scriptures and holding Family night consistently and saying family prayer. Where are my priorities? I swear whenever I feel things are going well at work things are falling apart elsewhere. And vice versa. Where is my balance???

The truth is, I have no balance in my personal life. I know Leka and Ray are crying out and begging me for MY attention. They want Mom to be home when they get home from school. I know that for a fact because when I was growing up my Mom also worked full time and didn't get home till well after dinner. On her days off I remember coming home from school and just feeling the warmth of her spirit there. I would live for her days off when I was a kid. Just knowing she was home gave me so much peace. I want so much right now to be home with my boys. I know that it might not stop Leka from lying but at least I'll be there for him to guide him....to nurture him. I'm in tears writing this because I've always wanted to work. I feel comfortable in the work place and often get crazy bored and mean when I'm home to long ask Jr. he'll tell you.

At work when I am assigned projects I always have an end in mind and the goal that I want to accomplish. You'd think I'd do that with my family. What is the goal I want to accomplish? I want an eternal family. I dont want my kids to go down the wrong path because they needed me and I wasnt there for them. I need to have a happy medium. I need balance people! Not sure how it's going to happen but let me tell you, I am counting the days down until Jr. is done with school and gets a good job. But I'm also so scared that I wont be a good stay at home Mom and they'd wish I'd go back to work. Until that day comes I need to prioritize my time and always, always put my family and their needs first. Which I feel I do with their temporal needs, I feel those needs are being met but not with their spiritual needs. Again I didnt really have an end in mind when starting this post but I know it's something I wanted to get down on paper. Well wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

Happy Birthday, my hero

I know...... cheesy title but very much the truth. Even before the current trials she's facing I've always loved and looked up to Abby. Her and Naki's parenting is something that could be written in books to help others. They dont make idle threats (which I'm infamous for), they are patient and always loving with their children. She definitely leads by example and I learn so much from her. She is also very humble so Im sure she'll disagree with mostly everything I write but my heart knows the truth. I remember when I first met her, Jr. and I had been dating for just a couple of weeks. She made me feel so welcome and peaceful. She asked about my life and made me feel like she really wanted to get to know me, even though I'm sure she wasn't sure Jr. and I would turn into more then just friends. Right after I had Leka I had a bad spout with depression and she is the first person I went to. She has always been a great listener and friend.

There are so many more things I could rattle off. She is amazing. With Abby she really is who she says she is. She is real to the core. That is huge with me because I always struggle with feelings of wanting to be different then who I am or fitting in where ever I go. With all the hardships that she is facing with losing her Naki she has been the source of strength for Jr. and I at this hard time. Can you believe that? In this dark time she is constantly lifting others especially the Maile family. Her testimony of Christ strengthens mines by leaps and bounds. Abby I love you so much. Thank you for all that you do for our family. I really dont know what path we'd be on right now, if it weren't for you. I wish for you a Happy Birthday today, you deserve that more then anyone.

Fundraiser

Our Fireside group, that is made up of us, Abby & the girls, The Fano's, The Aulava's, and JB Schofield are currently raising funds to go to Florida. Years ago before we joined the group some of the members went to Florida and put on great Firesides. We are trying to do that this year. Jr. and Naki suggested it last year and has been a goal for the group this year. Of course they are a little biased being born and raised there and all. We hope to raise enough money to go in September sometime and put on 3 or so firesides. Our first fundraiser is going to be a BBQ lunch plate sale on 3/19. Please email me mythias81@comcast.net if you are interested or call me. I promise the food is going to be awesome and you'll be helping us out. Also pass this on to any family or friends that might be interested. Thanks!

Dreadlock Rasta

Jr. and I agree on most things but there is 1 thing that we dont agree on and it's hair. I want our boys hair to always look neat and short and he wants long hair, or a fo-hawk (sp), or a rugby mullet, steps, etc. Ughhh, it drives me up the wall and whenever we argue I threaten to cut whose ever hair he's made his "project". Leka is his current project. He's always wanted dreads. He had them for a little while when we first got married but cut them before we went through the Temple. He's now taking it out on Leka.

This is my new Leka. I do have to say that when I'm around people that like them I to like them (a little). But at church when I see everyone staring at him I hate them. I've been so tempted to put gum in his hair while he sleeps then we'd be forced to cut them. Crazy right? I think Abby talked me out of doing that one. Even though I cant stand it, there is one thing above my hatred for wild hair and that is Jr. being upset or disappointed in me. That one thing alone keeps me from acting out all my crazy thoughts of how I can get the boys hair looking neat. So now I have to live with my little Buffalo solider..... dreadlocks Rasta. He's still so dang cute though.

Soul Food

We've been lucky enough to have Jr.s cousins from Florida staying with us this week. Ray and Misi are Jr.s first cousins. Their Mom and Jr.s Dad are brother and sister. And as they've been here making all of us laugh and playing with the kids, I kept wishing they lived closer.....like in our house. The girls that snatch these boys up are going to be lucky girls. Since Naki died this is the first time I've seen Jr. be his old self, laughing and constantly joking around. I loved every second of it. For this week at least, they have definitely been food for the soul. Love these boys!!!

Infinite-Power-of-Hope

Infinite-Power-of-Hope

This messages literally brought me to tears. Click above to watch.

Update

I've been feeling so BLAH that it's been torture to even think about blogging but I know I should. Things have been busy in our home. I turned 29 a couple of days ago and I have to admit that I dont mind getting older. My outlook on aging has really changed. The one thing I do mind is aging and not being in good shape. I am desperately trying to stay motivated and do workouts that work for me. In the past I've always tried what's worked for someone else but I'm so over that. I want to do what works for me. I haven't figured it out yet, but I know I am getting closer.

Ray and Leka loved every second of the Holidays and cried when we took the Christmas decorations down. They are back in school and for the most part are really happy being there. Ray is improving in areas he struggled last year. I think his teach Ms. Frost is an amazing teacher. Ray thinks the world of her and so do we. Leka had and MRI a couple days before Christmas and it was miserable. They had to give him an IV in both his arms and they had a hard time locating his veins so they had to maneuver the needle around, he was in so much pain. His cardiologist called me yesterday at work and gave me the results. It was completely normal. He still has a congenital abnormality. His recommendation is to monitor him closely for the next year and make a decision about surgery from there. There is a small risk in not having surgery but there are also risks in having it so we're fasting and praying to know what Heavenly Father would have us do right now. But Leka is such a happy boy and loves preschool especially because he gets to go with one of his cousins.

Jr. is back at school and surprisingly doing really well. I say surprised because I know how much suffering he's going through. He is always trying to be strong, but listening to him cry in the shower because he thinks I cant hear him, cuts me so deep it's hard to recover. It's so hard to explain but I know that things will never be same in our lives. I've been reading my sisters blog and know it's the same in their home times a million. Uggghh our new life is so hard.

Jr. and I had to renew our Temple recommends with a member of our Bishopric last night and he said that people that have to endure these kind of trials are a truly special people. I truly believe that of my sister Abby, my husband and our family. They are so special to me that it physically hurts when I am not with them. I thank Heavenly Father for them everyday.

Some Holiday Happenings

Ray and Leka made a short snowman with Grandpa Maile

We got to ride the on the Polar Express with our cousins. It was so fun!! Leka was in train heaven. Has been part of all his conversations lately...Leka are you hungry? He answers- when I was the Polar Express I was not hungry at all. We were lucky we got to go.

Jane Lavea (my sister in law) got Employee of the year at our End of the year Pinnacle Christmas party. Go Jane!
The kids got to meet Santa and tell the elves what they wanted. Eli and Eva were here also but were hiding. Santa is great but they just didn't want him to touch them. So cute.
Our loud little group.
Leka loved this train. Once he saw it he took off in full sprint (cowboy boots and all) to touch it.
Me and the boys decorating our Christmas tree that RayRay picked out. Good choice Ray.